- Related Links:
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2014年2月17日星期一
Formal Evening Dresses photos from night before
Beautiful calm driving It keeps catching me off guard.I was making
tea, and i thought of us making tea in your kitchen, debating whether
putting the milk in first(You don need a teaspoon then)Or after(You can
gauge how much to put by the colour)Is better.My mom and i were watching
wtos and billy connolly gets on a plane leaving shetland and i remember
you working out how much it would cost to fly home as opposed to
driving there.Then i think of the ferry, again.I think of your warm,
huge hands.I told you that when the wind rushes past the window of my
flat it sounds like waves, and i told you that had been making me
homesick.You hugged me because you understood, you said that back on the
island and i laughed and i said i was from an island too.And we lay
there all night, trying to sleep, and i felt safe.I fallen for people
before.I also been told no before.I gotten over it.But i gutted by the
loss of something that could have been, it this dull ache in my chest.I
just trying to put it behind me.It not working very well. Things i did
before i left:Drinks and girl/boy problem bitching with tufty,
pizzabeerzombieland night in with dan(Followed by a much improved where
the wild things are), lunch with Lou and Kate, preChristmas dinner of
giant curry and homemade bread with K, C and their respective boys(When i
felt single and left out i sat with lula), Sub Rosa with Shannon(Dan
didn get in for lack of id)And then(In a bizarre loop to my first party
of the summer)That messedup flat where amreet leaving do was.Then i
slept through all my alarms and woke up at 1300, unpacked, for a 1600
flight.Nom. This was a great weekend, but the most important thing is
that i went to see stars at the oran mor with oj, and then(By virtue of
him having engineered there in the past and them not having changed the
backstage doorcode in over a year)We ended up hanging out with torquil
and various members of the band till the small hours.I have partied with
rockstars and their tour manager has emailed me a couple of times to
get recommendations for singapore.And the gig, right, was absolutely,
fucking, marvellous. So last week was pretty dreadful.After the incident
with bicep and my bag and the girls i have no time for it was off to a
lousy start, then the chat with a, then the evil flu, then the mess that
was my cr and writing it.You get it.And then literally minutes after
handing in my cr i dropped my phone down the toilet.I went to the o2
shop to see if there was any chance i was due an upgrade and the(In
retrospect very lovely and kind)Boy who served me was from the islands
and had a accent, i very nearly burst into tears.I left and went into
town to return a couple things to tk maxx and pick things up from
patches but i thought i stop in primark:Big mistake.Had a minor panic
attack and had to leave in a hurry, showed up on patches doorstep almost
in tears again.But i cheered up hanging out with him and his friends,
none of whom knew where singapore was and started posting links to yahoo
answers:Is singapore in china on my wall.Then i went to blawan with
shannon everyone else was going to pressure, and fuck spending 20 quid
to stand in the arches for six hours.Yuck.Afterwards i somehow ended up
at bank st with the boys, expecting a quiet one, but it turned into a
party.I left late afternoon saturday, went home and slowcooked a curry,
had a shower, then went to uboats to go see mosca.So we did.And oj
texted me asking what we were doing after, and could they come, so i
told the boys, can my brother come trust me, you love him.The party was
great, finlay seemed very comfortable having total strangers in his very
nice flat.At some point graeme and i decided to tie our legs together
with my scarf and threeleggedrace around the place.We also sat on oj and
callum shoulders.Sandy and i fell asleep, and when i woke up there were
about fifteen people in oj room and there was a party on.My powers of
sleepingthroughthings, are unrivalled.At about seven oj threw himself at
the floor, rolled over like a puppy and went to sleep, but he woke up
when richard and i made a poor attempt at picking him up and putting him
in bed.So he put some trousers on and came to the stars gig with me.We
went in and had a beer and i realised that will dreger had never given
back my disposable camera, and oj yelled, asian tourist!, so I sprinted
off to Boots to buy a new one.While i was gone oj did a sneaky and
bought me a pillowcase that says tell me how i sleep, tell me how i wake
up, tell me how i dream and very proudly presented it to me when i got
back.Amy fistbumped me during walls as i held up my pillowcase.They sang
one more night and the 400 for an encore, and i very nearly cried.Torq
said take me to the riot was about the road just outside, and that soft
revolution was a good song for scotland.He also does a great glaswegian
accent, turns out his family are scottish.I sat on the sofa with callum
and stevo and passed out, next thing i knew oj was picking me up, saying
he had no idea how but he come to in a close in a block of flats up by
naked soup.It still a mystery.I stayed over and slept till late because i
felt like a headache on legs.Hung out with the boys, watched some
movies, was relieved to discover that my interview the following day
required no prep.Left at about 0200 after falling asleep several times
in sandy room as they played football manager.Walked with callum to bbq
kings and, as we parted ways, promptly fell on my ass in the
icedeathtrap that is great western road. All in all, right, a fucking
fantastic last weekend.I could not have asked for more. From when i
sitting i can see the tiny lights of cars leaving glasgow.It not as
though i have any notion of which way north is, but i imagine they are
driving somewhere colder, somewhere darker and more heathered than this
tired city.Somewhere without tenements, without pleading flower sellers
and preemptive, plastic christmas decorations. And i don know if it fog
or cloud or some kind of radiolike interference but the distant
streetlights, all clustered on the horizon, they tremble with an almost
galactic instablility.I read as a child that only stars twinkle:A
constant light in the sky must be a planet, or a satellite, because
there aren enough lightyears between us to create that ancient
shimmer.Time has to pass and light must travel before things can become
that beautiful. Without warning i imagine you on the ferry home, and the
northern storms you told me about.I remember the letter i plan to write
you at christmas, and with filmlike clarity and equally cinematic
melodrama suddenly fear you could drown before i ever tell you how i
feel.Everything i should have said, neatly packaged and airmail stamped
at the door of a flat you will never return to. Then i look up at the
lights again but the motorway must have quietened, because i can no
longer make out the lines of fleeing traffic. Here is what really
happened.You would rather take your friends side when you can see
perfectly well that the situation was not what they presume it to
be(Even though they should probably know better).Even though you heard
my side of the story.Even though you said yourself, i nice.I fucking
nice.And even though you can see perfectly well that the last thing i
need right now is more of their petty bullying.So you a coward, and
instead of me why i not good enough, i went back to tell you that no we
are not still friends.Things are not all okay, just you said, oh i can
only apologise.I don know what i want from you.But i not an idiot.Of
course you not going to suddenly change your mind.But i said my piece
and it didn work so you know what, you missing out.And one day you will
come home from work and turn on the tv and it will hit you like a train
that you miss me.Because at risk of being the crazy girl who shows up on
your doorstep twice:If i hadn i would have been angry and run over it
time and time again in my head.And i would have waited for another
chance to tell you that you hurt me.And because i know what you like, i
know that chance would never come round and i would sit here blaming
myself and wasting my life, missing you.What a weight off my
chest.Later, alex.This is your loss. A little pop psychology:As an only
child i never had to compete for love and attention from my parents.It
probably why i get jealous of the friends my mother likes, even as i
take offence at the ones she dismisses out of hand.So maybe i am drawn
to people whose love i feel i must chase and acquire.I spent a lot of
today wishing i would wake up from the terrible dream.The reality is of
course that i not asleep.And also i again hopelessly overestimated the
depth of our connection, with that pathetic blind hope i am so skilled
at building up in my head.Because i starting to worry i did something
wrong if i did then i wish you just tell me.If i didn not replying is
rude, and since i insecure by nature it incredibly inconsiderate of
you.It making me so fucking nervous and paranoid.It such
a.Teenagedgirlreaction way to behave:I don care how introverted you are,
it no excuse for ignoring me.I woke up when my phone rang and the
nightmare was so awful i was actually relieved someone was calling at
four in the morning to look for a party.And then i lay there for hours
wishing i wasn alone.I feel so ill today.I could really use a hand. I
starting to feel like landry, when he says he has some sort of talent
for repelling females. "Sends them running. I was in love http://www.dvhs.co.uk/
with tyra for a long time and i chased her away and then there was
another girl and i completely chased her away.And it was a lot quicker.
"So hey, tami t, you got any advice for me i promising myself now.This
is the last i going to hear of this crap. Ufsoh, mci ybck kvoh, mci gom
mci'js uch 1.5 msofg hc qcas jwgwh pih ks pchv ybck dsftsqhzm kszz hvoh
mci kcb'h wt W oab'h gwbuzs.Mci hfojsz ozz cjsf hvs tiqywbu kcfzr, obr
mci qob'h twbr hvfss romg hc qcas vsfs.Obr mci gom wt w rcb'h ush wb
hciqv tcf o kvwzs hvsb mci 'oggias w'a vccywbu id' obr hvoh mci'fs 'bc
zcbusf fszsjobh', pih mci vojs gc aobm dscdzs wb mcif zwts, obr mci ybck
hvoh oh hvs sbr ct ftq pmk w vojs mci, obr goa, obr hvoh'g pogwqozzm
wh.Mci'fs bch hvs cbs kvc vog hc qcadshs tcf hwas obr ottsqhwcb cyom?Gc
w'zz gss mci poqy vcas.Tcfush wh. You could have done better.I'm nice, i
really, really am.And i know i made a proper fool of myself with you
but for god's sake, i've done everything right since.I'm nice to your
friends, i act normally with you, i tried to get to know you in a polite
and sane way.By expressing an interest.By, i don't know, trying.You
didn't have to be so fucking rude.I can take a hint.You really hurt my
feelings. Apart from that, i'm struggling with being the bitch who.I
feel awful.I do.Why am i the only one paying?I'm just feeling like a
wreck today.K is absent and c is busy and i want to go to the beach and
forget everything.I'm hurt and i'm angry and people are looking at me
like. Thursday the department took us to aberfoyle to climb trees and
stuff.I made my presentation on lucid dreaming with the girls on the
first day, which was a relief to get out of the way.I spent the night
beforehand dressed as aquafresh, procrastinating and talking to jason
till five in the morning, because having insomniac friends means youe
never truly alone.I watched adam.And did virtually no work on my
presentation:The moment i started(Sometime around 0430)My hp finally
gave up the ghost and the screen went almost totally white.You can still
see, kind of, but not well enough to use it practically. So on 45
minutes sleep i skyped mamma, got really snarky and then went to the
library to spend half an hour cobbling together slides to print out.I
wouldn be able to use the ohp(Ikr, ohp!? )Because i missed the final cr
meeting where mr g had printed them out for us.I wrote notes on the bus,
feeling ill, where r and i bitched about the girls sitting behind
us.But we got there, did the presentation, and i if youl pardon me
fucking owned it.Two people i didn know and one of the girls in my group
came over to tell me how good i was.As they say, well chuffed.Night
line, problem solving and tree climbing.Twelve metres off the
ground.Check me.And then a huge dinner i ate mine then r and a
leftovers.Had a nap then went to the party, we came second in the pub
quiz and then started dancing to the sounds of the worst dj in the
world.It was fun till everyone else was wasted and every surface was
sticky, and i just wanted to go to bed.Had a lovely chat with the girl
in the bunk below mine;I made us chamomile tea.Crashed before everyone
else got back, slept exhausted and happy in a seriously comfortable bunk
bed.The next day saw me and my group trying not to fall asleep too
obviously at the back of the second round of presentations, then more
climbing in a very muddy forest.I was thrilled because yeah, okay, it
was absolutely horribly freezing but i don't do enough outdoorsy things
any more.It helped with the overwhelming homesickness i've been
feeling.Got on the bus, slept all the way home. Discovered a source of
money and went out to sbtrkt for becca birthday.Bumped into the ruthven
st boys, plus tom and conor and beccy, so bounced around between groups
and didn dance enough.Went to the unit after, where i may have somewhat
upset s.Left around seven, stayed at t and c, slept most of the day.Went
by uboat on the way home to pick up some things from hallowen and spent
a couple hours criticising the mobos and harassing the heron.Fun. F
agreed berkeley suite was a good idea(I kept my reasons to myself)But by
the time i got there ginge had gotten kicked out so i stayed with their
friends.And then, totally unexpectedly, aw comes over out of nowhere
and says hi.Wee hardly spoken over the last two weeks.He there with two
friends, alex and dan and i hit it right off with a.So we all leave
together and go to mine to pick up a bottle to take to a party, at which
point i realise everyone knows and i the bitch who.Whenever wee talking
a comes to check that wee, as ksl would say, letting the light pass
through.And it wasn that he told him about me, it was that it been going
around.And he recognised me in the berkeley suite from facebook.I guess
it was naive to expect anything else, but god almighty, why do people
do these things.Why did i?But the party was fun.Lots of.Then some of the
people from there, and i, went back to a by this point i a whole three
degrees of separation from my own group of friends.But they were nice,
and the music was excellent, and six hundred years passed because some
things are awfully(And this is not a word i ever have thought to use, it
such a mamma word,)Moreish.I crashed out and people left at about
five.A woke me at eight and made us tea. And it was just the best
evening in a long time:I made soup and toast while he was in the shower
and we watched nick and nora infinite playlist which i haven seen since
the time in the cinema.Then we went to bed and tried in vain to get some
rest;I dozed off but i think he was up all night.Woke with a start at
0610.Got up about half an hour later, both of us looking fairly pissed
off with the world.I walked to partick subway and there was frost on the
grass and all the cars left a defrosting his windshield and feeling
like i known him for years.Maybe it the way the centuries pass on the
things that we do, but. Went to the library, realised i didn have my
matric card(Ause i don want to lose it at a party again and have to
awkwardly explain myself in the fraser building), so I went home, got
some toast, and then walked back in and started working on the focus
group data till it was time for class. So some really good things came
out of this weekend.I don know how but my world keeps getting bigger and
bigger.Think i finally done with the bender and back to real life.
Wednesday.Photos at bloc for scott and deathcats, then guesties for sub
club.Slept at katy's 0300. Thursday.Got up at 0900 for focus group.The
fire alarm went off when we were running it.Went to katy's to process Formal Evening Dresses
photos from night before.Photos at the final tremors, then party in
hyndland where i met some crazy people.Back to tom's 0730. Meeting at
1300.Processed tremors photos at lou's in record
time.JulioBashmore!Julio!Bashmore!Then the arches.Then uboat's no sleep.
Saturday.Walked to work at the cdf for 0930.Finished Mother of the Bride Dresses UK at 1830.Went home, slept 2000 till 2220.Uboat's again, then swg3.Fell asleep on jason 0800.
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